Axidava

A Father’s Letter

My dear son.—Your letter of last week reached us yesterday, and I enclose $13, which is all I have by me at the present time. I may sell the other shote next week and make up the balance of what you wanted. I will probably have to wear the old buffalo overcoat to meetings again this winter, but that don’t matter so long as you are getting an education.

(more…)

The Life Of Adventure

‘Adventures,’ said the gifted Mr. Disraeli, ‘are to the adventurous.’ Stevenson somewhere recommends the conception of life as a series of adventures, each morning witnessing as it were a new embarkation upon some treasure-quest or feat of arms. And I have often observed that my adventurous friends have a knack of reporting with all the flavor of genuine adventures, experiences which upon sober reflection seem rather to fade into the light of common day. It would appear, therefore, that it is they who put the adventurous into life, rather than that life is responsible.

(more…)

The Pyramids And The Sphinx

Hugh was so very anxious to see the pyramids, that every one agreed to visit them from Cairo, instead of from the boat on the voyage up the Nile, which was to be as far as the second cataract; but neither the children nor their mother were to go. The latter was not strong, and she thought it best to keep the children with her. Lucy would very much have liked to see the pyramids as well as Hugh, but the ride from Cairo was too long for her.

(more…)

Young Men, To The Front!

The adage which was once so common, if not so thoroughly axiomatic as to gain universal credence—”Old men for council and young men for war”—assumes additional notoriety to-day, when the old men are quarreling in the council chamber and the young men are kept outside the door.

(more…)

Henry Shane: Heroic Scout Of The Plains Of Texas

One day a young fellow was hunting deer near Pinto Creek, twelve miles from Fort Clark in Texas. His name was Henry Shane, and, although a German by birth, he had early emigrated to the Lone Star State, where he had joined the United States army and had fought in the more important battles of the Mexican War.

(more…)

The Weeping Woman

I have not written much for publication lately, because I did not feel well, I was fatigued. I took a ride on the cars last week and it shook me up a good deal.

(more…)

RFK Jr. Ate A Dog. Or A Goat.

A photo of Robert Francis Kennedy Jr. about to sink his crooked teeth into a barbecued dog next to some bitch has been recently unearthed.

It was actually a goat, he said – but who the fuck eats goats?

(more…)

The Six Fingers Of Time

He began by breaking things that morning. He broke the glass of water on his night stand. He knocked it crazily against the opposite wall and shattered it. Yet it shattered slowly. This would have surprised him if he had been fully awake, for he had only reached out sleepily for it.

(more…)

The Portal

The moment the Joe Rogan Experience #2171 featuring Eric Weinstein and Terrence Howard concluded, a portal materialized in my room and I was sucked into the Plane Of Inconsequence, where I was imprisoned for eons, mere seconds on planet Earth.

(more…)

Feline

Myra looked up from her writing.

“David,” she said, “I am positive I heard a cat outside.”

The man only growled, settled himself deeper in his comfortable chair, and continued to read.

(more…)

Goodbye, Joe

Last night in the presidential debate Joe Biden babbled and mumbled and rambled and stumbled and lied and froze and glitched and trailed off and shat his diaper and gazed into the abyss and the abyss gazed also into him and already he can’t remember a thing.

(more…)

Why A Classic Is A Classic

The large majority of our fellow-citizens care as much about literature as they care about aeroplanes or the programme of the Legislature. They do not ignore it; they are not quite indifferent to it. But their interest in it is faint and perfunctory; or, if their interest happens to be violent, it is spasmodic.

(more…)

The Ambrose Bierce Irony

Some time in his middle career, Ambrose Bierce wrote three short tales of vanishment—weird and supernatural things in one of his favorite veins. The three sketches—for they are no more—he classed under the heading, “Mysterious Disappearances,” a subject which occupied his speculations from time to time. Herein lies a complete irony. Bierce himself was later to disappear as mysteriously as any of his heroes.

(more…)

Getting The Thread Of It

Have you ever had a man try to explain to you what happened in a book as far as he has read? It is a most instructive thing. Sinclair, the man who shares my rooms with me, made such an attempt the other night. I had come in cold and tired from a walk and found him full of excitement, with a bulky magazine in one hand and a paper-cutter gripped in the other.

(more…)

Futurists

“If,” writes Sir Francis Younghusband, “we stand a two-foot rule on end and take it to represent the period which has elapsed since man first appeared, it will be only the top inch that will represent the distance of time since the dawn of civilization, and only the last eighth of an inch that will denote the period of European civilization.”

(more…)

A Dream Of Armageddon

The man with the white face entered the carriage at Rugby. He moved slowly in spite of the urgency of his porter, and even while he was still on the platform I noted how ill he seemed. He dropped into the corner over against me with a sigh, made an incomplete attempt to arrange his travelling shawl, and became motionless, with his eyes staring vacantly. Presently he was moved by a sense of my observation, looked up at me, and put out a spiritless hand for his newspaper. Then he glanced again in my direction.

(more…)

The General Cause Of Friction

The immediate cause of the new gravity apparent in the Jewish problem is the Revolution in Russia. The completely new feature of open discussion now attaching to it (a thing which would have seemed incredible in England twenty years ago) is the leadership the Jews have assumed in the economic quarrel of the proletariat against capitalism.

(more…)

Punishment

All men tremble at punishment, all men fear death; remember that you are like unto them, and do not kill, nor cause slaughter.

(more…)

The Community Masque As A Substitute For War

With War and Licker removed from the list of “What’s Going on This Week,” how will mankind spend the long summer evenings? Some advocate another war. Others recommend a piece of yeast in a glass of grape-juice. The effect is said to be equally devastating.

(more…)

The Stranger

A man stepped out of the darkness into the little illuminated circle about our failing campfire and seated himself upon a rock.

“You are not the first to explore this region,” he said, gravely.

(more…)

The Purple Heart

I was weary of the fog that hung over me like a pall, fatigued to the point of exhaustion. Since early afternoon the chill wind had forced it through my clothing like rain. It depressed me.

(more…)

A Model Dialogue

In which is shown how the drawing-room juggler may be permanently cured of his card trick.

(more…)

The Grand Falls Of Labrador

The usual method employed was what is technically known as “tracking.” That is, a strong rope, about the thickness of a clothes-line, was tied to the gunwale of the boat just aft of the bow. To the shore end of this broad leather straps were attached. With these across their shoulders, three of the party tugged away along the rocky bank, while number four of our crew, with an oar lashed in the stern, steered a devious course among the rocks and shallows of the river.

(more…)

Portrait Of An Ideal World

That alcohol in dilute aqueous solution, when taken into the human organism, acts as a depressant, not as a stimulant, is now so much a commonplace of knowledge that even the more advanced varieties of physiologists are beginning to be aware of it.

(more…)

A Journey In Search Of Nothing

“Yes,” said the doctor, pressing the tips of his fingers with a tremulous firmness on my pulse, and looking straight forward into the pupils of my eyes, “yes, I see: the symptoms all point unmistakeably towards one conclusion—Brain. My dear sir, you have been working too hard; you have been following the dangerous example of the rest of the world in this age of business and bustle. Your brain is over-taxed—that is your complaint. You must let it rest—there is your remedy.”

(more…)

The Loot Of Loma

Coming back laden with the loot of Loma, the four tall men looked earnestly to the right; to the left they durst not, for the precipice there that had been with them so long went sickly down on to a bank of clouds, and how much further below that only their fears could say.

(more…)

And All The Girls Were Nude

Appearances oftentimes can be deceiving, and things most certainly aren’t always as they seem. Take the case of Nathanial Evergood, for instance.

(more…)