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Casemiro Already Regrets His Manchester United Move

Everybody was shocked when Casemiro left reigning champions Real Madrid, the best football team in the world, for Manchester United, who is drowning in mediocrity.

In an exclusive interview for our website, the 30-year-old Brazilian star said that he regrets coming to Manchester United and blasted the team:

After playing here a few matches, I realized that leaving Real Madrid was the biggest mistake of my career. Manchester United is a really mediocre team, managed by scumbags. Let’s face it, we were extremely lucky so far – but it’s not going to last. Half my teammates are homos and some of them even wear dresses. I hate them. They’re not professional.

Asked how it felt trading the Champions League for Europa League, Casemiro had this to say:

You don’t really understand Europa League until you play in it. This is a competition for peasants. I hate myself for sinking so low. Every year I played in the Champions League with Real Madrid – winning the trophy 5 times – and now I’m forced to play in this garbage tournament. It drives me nuts.

He even dislikes the city:

Manchester is a very ugly city full of gypsies and fat slobs. Everybody here is an alcoholic – drinking is like their favorite sport beside football. They drink all day long, even at work, and then they get violent and beat each other up in the street. It’s not a safe place. Plus, the weather is horrendous and it always smells like dirty socks outside. I fucking hate this shithole.  

After this answer, Casemiro started sobbing and cut the interview short. Still sobbing profusely, he raced outside and burned his Manchester United t-shit while cursing at the sky in his native language. What was said is too abhorrent to be put in print.  

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