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Cara Delevingne Has Hit Rock Bottom

I love out-of-control celebrities. I celebrate their downfall and eventual death. Seeing their lives falling apart due to drugs, alcohol, disease, or retardation, brings me so much joy, it really does. They make me feel so good about myself.

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White Ariel Is Better Than Black Ariel

A black actress plays Ariel in Disney’s upcoming dumpster fire The Little Mermaid – that’s unacceptable. Hans Christian Andersen is rolling in his grave. Everybody knows that mermaids are white, there’s no question about it. A black mermaid makes no sense, whatsoever.

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I’m Sick And Tired Of Meghan Markle

I’m sick and tired of Meghan Markle.

This bitch gets almost as much press coverage as the dead Queen and the new King at the moment – and it’s driving me nuts. It’s preposterous. Enough already! She’s just a goofy broad who happens to be Harry’s wife. She shouldn’t matter. Both of these idiots shouldn’t matter. 

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The Queen Is Dead

Queen Elizabeth II, the longest-reigning British monarch, has died peacefully aged 96 at Balmoral castle in Scotland.

Her last words were “Hitler did nothing wrong”, which surprised everybody in the room.

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Harry Styles Spit On Chris Pine – And Now They Are Gay

Chris Pine and Harry Styles attended the premiere of “Don’t Worry Darling” in Venice dressed as pompous gay software engineers. The movie is predicted to be a flop, but the recent controversy might turn out to be beneficial.

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Lizzo Is Oppressed

During her acceptance speech for the “Video for Good” award (whatever that means) at the VMAs, which apparently is still a thing, Lizzo went full retard:

This morbidly obese swine is oppressed.

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Colin Kaepernick’s Fucked Up Baby

Colin Kaepernick is a father. His partner Nessa Diab calved their first child in a barn a few weeks ago, but they kept the news secret until yesterday.

That’s because the baby looks like Steven Spielberg’s E.T. on coke and already shows signs of retardation. The thing has 1 leg, 3 arms, a penis and a vagina, and a foul, greenish liquid keeps oozing from underneath its scales. The scientists who tried to study the creature reportedly fainted because of the smell, and when they regained conscience, they all fled the country.

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The Infamous Beatles N-Word Bit

Two years ago, I learned about the existence of the so-called “Beatles nigger bit”, performed spontaneously by Artie Lange and Gilbert Gottfried on Opie’s radio show. As a big fan of both of those guys, I immediately went on YouTube to find it but nothing came up when I searched for it. I couldn’t find the bit even through google or other websites (anything containing “n-word” or “nigger” is almost impossible to find).

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