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Does Kate Middleton Really Have Cancer?

Nobody had seen Kate Middleton for weeks, so naturally people began speculating.

Then the infamous doctored pictured of her was released and the conspiracy theories skyrocketed overnight: she ran off with a lover, she’s a Russian spy, she’s a reptilian alien, she’s dying of AIDS, she’s actually dead, her pubes are green, etc. Millions of people all over the world are mocking and insulting the Princess of Wales like there’s no tomorrow.

Good.

She deserves it – all of it.

Kate Middleton tried to deceive the public with fake pictures, and after getting exposed, she nonchalantly said this:

Like many amateur photographers, I do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for any confusion the family photograph we shared yesterday caused. I hope everyone celebrating had a very happy Mother’s Day.

Yeah, right.

A drunk fourth-grader could have come up with a better explanation.

Liar!

But you know who’s really behind the conspiracy theories?

The scumbags at the Daily Mail report:

China, Russia and Iran have been accused of fuelling wild conspiracy theories and disinformation about the Princess of Wales to destabilise Britain.

Senior figures in Whitehall fear that hostile states could be involved in the recent spread of speculation around Kate’s health.

Oh no!

The usual suspects are at it again!

China, Russia, and Iran are fueling the conspiracy theories because they want to destabilize Britain. Yeah, that’s exactly what is happening! The Daily Mail and the anonymous senior figures in Whitehall offer zero evidence whatsoever – but they tell the truth! We should blindly trust them as always.

I, for one, don’t.

I don’t trust them, and I sure as shit don’t trust the Royal Family. They can all go to hell.

Kate Middleton may or may not have cancer. I don’t know. But until I see this bitch with a shaved head and a ghoulish face I reserve the right to remain skeptical.

SPARE SOME COIN

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