A farmer, walking the streets of one of our big cities, looked through a window at a lot of men writing very rapidly on typewriters; and as he stood at the door with his mouth open, one of the men called out to him, “Do you wish to buy some gape-seed?”
Passing on a short distance, he asked a man what the business was of the men he had just seen in the office he had passed. He was told that they wrote letters dictated by others, and transcribed all sorts of documents. The farmer returned to the office, and inquired if one of the men would write a letter for him, and was answered in the affirmative. He asked the price, and was told one dollar. After considerable talk, the bargain was made; one of the conditions being that the scribe should write just what the farmer told him to, or he should receive no pay. The man said he was ready, and the farmer dictated as follows:
“Dear wife,” and then asked, “Have you got that down?”
“Yes; go on.”
“I went for a ride the other day—have you got that down?”
“Yes; go on, go on.”
“And I harnessed up the old mare into the wagon—have you got that down?”
“Yes, yes, long ago; go on.”
“Why, how fast you write!—And I got into the wagon, and sat down, and drew up the reins, and took the whip in my right hand—have you got that down?”
“Yes, long ago; go on.”
“Dear me, how fast you write! I never saw your equal.—And I said to the old mare, ‘Go ‘long,’ and I jerked the reins pretty hard—have you got that down?”
“Yes; and I am impatiently waiting for more. I wish you wouldn’t bother me with so many foolish questions. Go on with your letter.”
“Well, the old mare wouldn’t stir out of her tracks, and I hollered, ‘Go ‘long, you old jade! go ‘long‘—have you got that down?”
“Yes, indeed, you pestiferous fellow; go on.”
“And I licked her, and licked her, and licked her——” (continuing to repeat these words as rapidly as possible).
“Hold on there! I have written two pages of ‘licked her,’ and I want the rest of the letter.”
“Well, and she kicked, and she kicked, and she kicked——” (continuing to repeat these words with great rapidity).
“Do go on with your letter; I have several pages of ‘she kicked.'”
(The farmer clucks as in urging horses to move, and continues the clucking noise with rapid repetition for some time.)
The scribe jumps up from the typewriter.
“Write it down! write it down!“
“I can’t!”
“Well, then, I won’t pay you.”
(The scribe, gathering up his papers.) “What shall I do with all these sheets upon which I have written your nonsense?”
“You might use them in doing up your gape-seed! Good-day!”
