Matthew Perry Is Dead

Sad news folks, Matthew Perry is dead.

He reportedly drowned in a jacuzzi – but how the fuck do you drown in a jacuzzi?

There are only 2 possibilities: stroke or drugs.

Given his outstanding history of drug addiction the latter seems more plausible. After all, this is the man who went to rehab more than 15 times and not that long spent 2 weeks in a coma after his colon burst from drug abuse.

I rule out suicide outright; drowning yourself in a jacuzzi is too pathetic and gay.

Nevertheless, he died rather suddenly, wouldn’t you say?

Suddenly while vaccinated.

Evoking a popular phrase his character used to say in Friends, Mathew Perry encouraged the masses to get the COVID shot and inexhaustible boosters like he did.

“Could I be any more vaccinated?” he proudly asked.

Well, Chandler, not if you’re dead. Not if you’re dead buddy.


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