The supreme leaders of Hamas, Hezbollah, and the Palestinian Islamic Jihad, may Allah bless them with happiness and good health, have gathered in Teheran to discuss their strategy in the war against Jews.
After deliberating for more than 3 hours, the supreme leaders have agreed that the best course of action is guerilla warfare on a global scale.
Therefore, a murderous, all-or-nothing jihad against Jews has been proclaimed and new incentives have been officially approved.
Muslims who kill Jews will be greatly rewarded if they can provide evidence of their holy deeds.
A dead Jew is now worth $10,000 (50% more than last year), cash or crypto.
The following bonuses apply:
10 dead Jews = all-inclusive trip to Abu Dhabi.
20 dead Jews = a brand-new Mercedes-Benz C-Class.
50 dead Jews = the killer’s weight in gold plus 20 child brides.
But that’s not all.
After their latest reading of the Quran, the supreme leaders have enthusiastically announced that the number of virgins in Muslim heaven is actually 628, not 72 as previously believed.