Black Lives Matter Leader Accused Of Stealing $10 Million From Black Lives Matter

In the famous words of DJ Khaled: “Aaaaaand another one!”

Shalomyah Bowers, a prominent leader of the Black Lives Matter movement, is accused of stealing more than $10 million from the Black Lives Matter Global Network Foundation (BLMGNF) in an explosive lawsuit filed in Los Angeles by the Black Lives Matter Grassroots Movement (BLMGR).


Lizzo Is Oppressed

During her acceptance speech for the “Video for Good” award (whatever that means) at the VMAs, which apparently is still a thing, Lizzo went full retard:

This morbidly obese swine is oppressed.


Colin Kaepernick’s Fucked Up Baby

Colin Kaepernick is a father. His partner Nessa Diab calved their first child in a barn a few weeks ago, but they kept the news secret until yesterday.

That’s because the baby looks like Steven Spielberg’s E.T. on coke and already shows signs of retardation. The thing has 1 leg, 3 arms, a penis and a vagina, and a foul, greenish liquid keeps oozing from underneath its scales. The scientists who tried to study the creature reportedly fainted because of the smell, and when they regained conscience, they all fled the country.