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Scientists Are Baffled

Today I found out that our planet is spinning faster than usual, consequently making days shorter than usual, and that’s really bad and shit.

Scientists at some laboratory – somewhere – have measured the spin and they revealed that the spin is faster than it was in the past.

On June 29, Earth’s full rotation took 1.59 milliseconds less than 24 hours – it was the shortest day ever recorded.

And they warned – warned! – that we’re fucked.

Then came an avalanche of articles with alarmist clickbait headlines, most of which say that scientists are baffled.

Have you noticed this shit?

I’ve seen these types of headlines everywhere, and for a long time.

These scientists are always baffled. Whenever something comes up, they are baffled. How the fuck can you be baffled? I’ve never been baffled by anything – ever – and I’m not a scientist.

And it’s not just the media saying that scientists are baffled. When you read these articles, you will discover that a lot of them really are baffled. Like, they don’t understand stuff. They say so themselves, I’ve got the quotes.

They’re baffled by COVID, monkeypox, cancer, AIDS, climate change, particles, string theory, Mexicans, vaginas – you name it, they’re baffled by it.

And now this shit: they’re baffled that the Earth is spinning 1.59 milliseconds faster.

So what?

It’s God’s will.

Oh, I wish the Earth would spin 10,000 times faster… see how baffled they are then.

SPARE SOME COIN

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