A Constellation
Anonymous
The following conversation occurred between a theatrical manager and an aspirant for Thespian honors:
“What is your pleasure?” asked the manager.
(more…)Donald Trump Is The New King
Many-As-One
— Look, Charles. Here’s the thing: I’m the new king now.
— The new king? The new king of what?
— Of the United Kingdom, Charles. You’ve done a terrible job as a king, so bad, really awful. I can do it better. And I will do it better. I will do it way better than you, Charles. Better than anyone actually. I’ll probably be the best king ever.
(more…)A Witness Against His Will
Anonymous
Judge:—“Constable, bring in the next witness!” (Constable beckons to a man by the door to step up.)
Judge:—“What is your name?”
Peter:—“Peter Lerch.”
(more…)The Art Of Conversation
A. A. Milne
“In conversation,” said somebody (I think it was my grandfather), “there should always be a give and take. The ball must be kept rolling.” If he had ever had a niece two years old, I don’t think he would have bothered.
(more…)A Pointed Answer
Anonymous
Dr. M. whose bruskness was well known throughout Silesia, was going by coach one day from Breslau to Liegnitz. In the waiting-room were several gentlemen waiting for the same coach. One of them came up to the doctor.
“Are you Dr. M.?” he asked.
(more…)A Lover’s Quarrel
Cynthia Coles
“O Kitty, you are so sweet, and I do love you so. Tell me you love me, dearie.”
“I do love you, Dick; why, I never supposed I could love anybody so much.”
(more…)Meanwhile In Haiti
Costin Nițu
The rain had stopped outside. Dawn was forthcoming.
— Haiti?
— Haiti.
(more…)iPhone 17 Sucks
Costin Nițu
— Hey, did you see the new iPhone?
— No.
— You’ll definitely like this one, iPhone 17. I got one already, and let me tell you a secret: it’s a real babe magnet.
(more…)Sharpening Their Wits
Anonymous
Two whetstones met on the street.
“Queer, isn’t it?”
“What’s queer?”
(more…)The Weather Fiend
Anonymous
One hot day last summer, a young man dressed in thin clothes, entered a Broadway car, and seating himself opposite a stout old gentleman, said, pleasantly:
“Pretty warm, isn’t it?”
“What’s pretty warm?”
(more…)The Secret Meeting
Many-As-One
— At my place, in two hours. It is all arranged. I told security that we will meet in secret to discuss the war in Ukraine. They will not disturb us.
— OK. What about your wife?
— My wife will be there but she will be sleeping. She is very old.
(more…)Kamala Stinks
Many-As-One
— Look, Joe, Kamala is bad, really bad. She’s terrible. Everyone knows it. She’s a disaster.
— She’s a fraud.
(more…)iPhone 16 Sucks
Costin Nițu
— Hey, did you see the new iPhone?
— No.
— It’s the best one yet.
— It’s the same as the others.
(more…)They Fell
Bill Nye
Two delegates to the General Convocation of the Sons of Ice Water were sitting in the lobby of the Windsor, in the city of Denver, not long ago, strangers to each other and to everybody else. One came from Huerferno county, and the other was a delegate from the Ice Water Encampment of Correjos county.
(more…)The Cynic
Lucian of Samosata
Lycinus
Give an account of yourself, my man. You wear a beard and let your hair grow; you eschew shirts; you exhibit your skin; your feet are bare; you choose a wandering, outcast, beastly life; unlike other people, you make your own body the object of your severities; you go from place to place sleeping on the hard ground where chance finds you, with the result that your old cloak, neither light nor soft nor gay to begin with, has a plentiful load of filth to carry about with it. Why is it all?
(more…)
Obama’s Drowned Chef
Many-As-One
Jamal is standing on the corner, glued to his phone. Deiondre approaches him with a limp.
— Whatchu doin’ nigga?
— Chillin’ nigga. Readin’ this shit about Obama’s chef.
(more…)
