Frau Rothschild lived to be eighty-nine years old, and, to the last, she retained not only her faculties, but also her much-dreaded wit. In her last illness she whispered to her physician: “Dear Doctor, do try to do something for me.”
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The Diplomat: “Oh, let us form an everlasting alliance.”
The Soldier: “You gave my heart an incurable wound; or ‘you came; I saw; you conquered.’”
The Doctor: “Only you can cure my suffering heart.”
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Two sailors were winding up a rope, and did not finish as quickly as they expected.
“Where in the world,” cried one of them impatiently, “is that end?”
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During the panic in the money market of 1866, the agent of a money-lending concern came to Baron Rothschild and begged him to advance them some money; but was promptly refused.
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At the examination the children were to say the creed before the superintendent. It was practiced so that three children were each to say one article.
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Professor (examining a student): “And how do you protect yourself against impure water?”
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Frederick the Great made the personal acquaintance of every soldier of his regiment of guards. Whenever he saw a fresh one, he put the three following questions to him: “First, how old are you? Second, how long have you been in my service? Third, are you satisfied with your pay and treatment?”
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A gentleman just returned from Africa, boasted of the many gorillas he had killed there. “That must have been very difficult,” remarked one of the listeners.
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An officer fell from his horse in a public square. A Jew standing near said: “This would never have happened to me!”
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Judge:—“Constable, bring in the next witness!” (Constable beckons to a man by the door to step up.)
Judge:—“What is your name?”
Peter:—“Peter Lerch.”
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The minister, in the scripture lesson at school, had been explaining the miracles, and finally asked a boy: “Jacob, your father is a roofer. What would you call it, if you came home, and heard that your father had fallen from the roof of the church tower, without breaking his neck?”
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Dr. M. whose bruskness was well known throughout Silesia, was going by coach one day from Breslau to Liegnitz. In the waiting-room were several gentlemen waiting for the same coach. One of them came up to the doctor.
“Are you Dr. M.?” he asked.
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When Eulenspiegel came to Magdeburg—the fame of his notorious pranks having preceded him—several of the best citizens asked him to give them a sample of his buffoonery.
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