On September 10, 2022, Charles Philip Arthur George woke up as King.
Still in his royal pajamas, he walked to his mother’s coffin in the adjacent chamber and stared at her corpse for a while. The Queen was naked in the coffin and her bush was enormous; it looked like a stray cat got stuck in her twat.
Charles sobbed like a sissy until his stomach howled. It was time for breakfast. His breakfast consisted of a Big Mack, a muffin, onion rings, elderberry marmalade, a Bloody Marry, a pint of Guinness, and 3 lines of coke; it was all he had that day.
Wandering through the castle, the new King felt that the butlers were not mourning enough, so he personally whipped them in the basement. Each butler received 20 lashes and a punch in the gut.
At noon, he met with his sons: William and Harry. He hugged William with love and spit in Harry’s face, calling Meghan a whore. Harry did not utter a word.
From 6 to 8 P.M Charles played bridge with his buddies; he lost 1.2 million pounds and his mother’s hat collection.
Before going to sleep, the King drafted his first royal decree which bans homosexuality in Britain and the Commonwealth, then jacked off to a picture of Margaret Thatcher and did more coke. He slept like a baby.