Master, don’t read the papers; the papers are evil and gay.
They hate you, Master. They’re spreading hideous lies about you because they want to bring you down. You know this.
Master, the papers are failing, you will see, and soon they will go bankrupt and die, but you must avoid them in the meantime.
Stop reading, Master, please. Let’s kill some Jews instead. Yeah. You like that, don’t you, Master? Let’s throw some Jews in the wood chipper like we did yesterday. Wasn’t it fun, Master? Didn’t you have a blast?