Queen Elizabeth II, the longest-reigning British monarch, has died peacefully aged 96 at Balmoral castle in Scotland.
Her last words were “Hitler did nothing wrong”, which surprised everybody in the room.
The Queen’s life was something else: she played ping pong, married her cousin, invented soap, fought in World War II, imported cocaine straight from the cartels, shot a trespassing hobo in the face with a sawed-off shotgun, performed dark magic rituals wearing a beaked mask and a cape, and got drunk one night at a party and made out with Obama.
After she died, her 73-year-old son, Prince Charles, automatically became the new Queen, and his first order was to free all remaining slaves in Britain and the Commonwealth.
The whole world is now mourning Queen Elizabeth’s death, except black people and the Irish, who – let’s face it – are mentally the same.
May she rest in peace.