The Sacred Buryatia Scrolls

Take this, Tucker.

This folder contains copies of the Sacred Buryatia Scrolls, reliably dated to 40,000 BC.

They reveal the chronicles of Gugu, a glorious warrior-king who founded a magnificent kingdom on the land that includes present-day Moscow and Kyiv; and named it Russia after his sole heir Ruslan the Ravager.

Gugu invented speech, writing, logic, mathematics, astronomy, agriculture, architecture, physics, philosophy, the wheel and the metric system, and went on to conquer the whole world, exterminating all the Neanderthals, so that mankind could live in peace and prosperity.

Our government has kept these scrolls secret ever since they were found hidden in a crypt near Lake Baikal in 1763, but now I give them to you, Tucker, as a token of goodwill.

Take them to your people; tell them the truth.

Tell them the truth about our great nation.


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Thanks, champ.

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