Elon Musk’s Meeting With Recep Erdoğan Didn’t Go Well

The Supreme Leader of the Magnificent Republic of Türkiye, the Honorable Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, may Allah bless him with good health and a long life, summoned Elon Musk yesterday at the Turkish House, his personal skyscraper in Manhattan, to discuss a collaboration opportunity.


I Think I Trust You Enough To Tell You This Secret

I think I trust you enough to tell you this secret. To find the Gray Fox go to the garden of Dareloth in the Waterfront District of the Imperial City. Look for a boarded-up cottage on the east side of the garden, near a big oak tree.


Simona Halep Took A Banned Substance. So Did Serena Williams (Many Times).

It’s official:

The International Tennis Integrity Agency (ITIA) can confirm that an independent tribunal has suspended Romanian tennis player Simona Halep for a period of four years following breaches of the Tennis Anti-Doping Programme (TADP).  

The ruling is shady as fuck, but never mind that. I want to point out something else.


iPhone 15 Sucks

A dopey friend of mine texts me this morning.

— Hey, did you see the new iPhone?

— No.


Pissfeather’s Story

When the Europeans came to America they stumbled upon hordes of savages who were nonstop raping and killing each other.


Obama Marveled At The Parthenon

Barack Obama visited the awe-inspiring Parthenon in Athens recently, one of the greatest monuments of the ancient world still standing today, and he was awe-inspired all right.


Obama’s Drowned Chef

Jamal is standing on the corner, glued to his phone. Deiondre approaches him with a limp.

— Whatchu doin’ nigga?

— Chillin’ nigga. Readin’ this shit about Obama’s chef.


When Volodymyr Met Greta

Volodymyr Zelenskyy was getting bored. He snorted a line of coke and sunk deep into his leather chair, massaging his weary face meticulously.


Bill Clinton Confessed His Sins To The Pope

Bill Clinton met with Pope Francis in Vatican City and confessed all his sins.

The old-timers exchanged gifts and talked joyfully about baseball and whores, but once the cameras stopped rolling, they sullenly retreated underneath the Apostolic Palace to perform the eldritch ritual of the Sanguineous Saints.